![]() But I’m having trouble trusting you right now. You might say, “Hey, I know I can be naggy when I’m anxious. If you have a bigger issue with your other half that’s breaking through in anger about taking out the recycling, Saladino suggests going after the bigger thing. This is something that could really help me.” Try: “I’ll be able to relax more if the dishes are done. ![]() Let’s say you and your partner like to watch a show after dinner, but you can’t enjoy it unless the kitchen is cleaned up first. You may want to share some vulnerability, says Saladino, especially if you have anxiety around unfinished tasks. In a calm moment (not mid-nag), try saying to your family members, “I know this might seem silly to you, but you’re truly going to make me feel so much better if you put your laundry away/walk the dog/unload the dishwasher.” To address someone’s (lack of) behavior, communication is key. “Take the emotion out of the situation and leave it at Okay, they did not do this.” “It’s really important to depersonalize that,” she says. Jackman, PhD, licensed psychologist and founder of the national-based directory InnoPsych, which helps match people of color with therapists of color. They’ve disobeyed and disrespected me, explains Charmain F. When a chore goes undone, many women take it personally, thinking, I’ve asked them to do it they have not done it. It’s more like, I want to know that I have a partner who’s going to help me, or kids that respect me,” says Saladino. Here are some questions to ask yourself-and more effective approaches, depending on the answers: Are you worried about the chore-or something more? While you may feel justified in your repeated asks, take a step back before doubling down. Worse, says Lynn Saladino, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City, “nagging can build resentment-on both sides.” Here, she and other experts give advice on breaking the cycle. When all they hear is nagging, they may tune you out, which only leads to more…you guessed it. If you’re feeling ignored or unsupported by members of your household-or seeing red when you get in the car and the gas light is on-try to remember that nagging more isn’t the best solution for getting the tank filled, or the best thing for your relationships with your loved ones. Some friction is natural, but nagging isn’t going to get them standing on their two feet any faster. ![]() In other words, there’s a good chance your kids will live at home for a few years in their 20s before becoming financially independent. “It’s taking young people today longer to become adults in the conventional sense of the word than it did in previous generations,” says Laurence Steinberg, PhD, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Temple University in Philadelphia and author of the new book You and Your Adult Child. Nagging doesn’t apply to just school-age kids, teens, and partners, either. This work of organizing a family’s life is also called the mental load-it can be heavy, indeed-and, according to a 2019 paper in the American Sociological Review by Allison Daminger, then a PhD candidate at Harvard University-more of it is shouldered by women than men. And there’s also cognitive labor, which refers to the time and energy spent finding a tutor for AP bio, remembering the birthday of every extended-family member, and calling the vet because the dog is throwing up again. Men are sharing more of the housework than they used to, but females in heterosexual partnerships remain more likely to be responsible for the laundry, cleaning, and cooking, according to a 2019 Gallup poll. Needless to say, women are still the primary naggers in the household. “Nag? I’ve never needed to,” said no one ever. ![]() ![]() Play icon The triangle icon that indicates to play ![]()
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